love. (still here #1)

is it possible it's been three weeks since my last post? of course it is. i've written & presented and read & written & presented and written & read and then written & presented, and then written some more. oh, and reflected, i've done an awful lot of that. i've cried many times, both in & out of class. i've stood clammy-handed before a simulated classroom of my peers gulping deep breaths in preparation for giving my very first "lesson"...and i've found myself, 15 minutes later, perched on the edge of my table with my legs dangling beneath my "teacher" skirt, laughing and enjoying the hell out my "class", enjoying the hell out of my fellow residents, who surprise me every day with their HEART and sheer ingenuity.

picture them, my 14 comrades, divided into three groups to defend and recite an interpretation of the plath, and there are the "soldiers" with their hushed-pulse-angry line of attention, the "mushrooms" (unbelievingly, unwillingly victorious! our kind and handsome math teacher) with their internal dissent and unassisted female voice, and finally, the one that had me perched giggling with pleasure, the "snowflakes" with their beat-snapping measured calm.

yes, they are kicking the hell out of us in this program, and no mistake. but i have NEVER ONCE not even for A MOMENT doubted that i am in The Exact Right Place. i've never known this peculiar, heart-stopping feeling before, it's huge.

the photo (HOME RUN!) is the second-best (anonymous) peer review i received after giving my mini-lesson. the first is:

"I HATE poetry and I absolutely loved this exercise. If I had this in high school, maybe I would actually have liked it."

it may seem like i am bragging, but let's both believe that i am going to have my fair share of stumbles, even of failures, in the coming years, and i'd like to hold onto these rare diamonds when they grace me.

IT WILL BE HARD BUT AND BECAUSE IT WILL MATTER. & it will matter because what we are working with is love, and what we are working from is ourselves: "Love is an action, never simply a feeling." bell hooks